Sic Erat in Fatis
by icor
Summary: [Zack x Cloud] It’s been five long years since this started, five long years since he first heard Cloud scream like that...


Five years.

It's been five long years since this started, five long years since he first heard Cloud scream like that; scream as they held him down on the cold, hard table and injected mako into his body—a frail body that can't handle the poison—and mess with his mind.

Has it really been so long? Zack isn't so sure anymore—sometimes it seems as if their torture only started hours ago, and other times it's like they've been there forever. He has no concept of day or night anymore; he can't remember the outside world, and the only light to guide him is the faint green glow of Cloud's glass prison.

He only manages to stay awake for a few hours a day, and the horrified shrieks from Cloud are what keeps him up; he listens intently, half wishing for the pain to stop, and half hoping it never will—because when it does, that just means Cloud's body has given in.

There's no relief in silence.

Cloud. Cloud is all he has anymore, and oh how he's failed him. Cloud hasn't spoken coherently for four years; he just stares over at him with those empty mako eyes, burning and pleading for Zack to be his hero and rescue him. And Zack just can't take it, can't handle the guilt he feels every damn day as they drag away the only person in the world he can comprehend loving. They're not interested in him, and no matter how much Zack wishes for it Hojo will never take to abusing _his _body.

It's quiet now—Hojo's out of town, busy on a new experiment, so Cloud's been put back in his tube, and the boy struggles a little as the corroding substance invades his lungs. Strange, how he's never quite gotten used to it. But why should he have to get used to it? Why should he have to put up with it? It's just not fair, it's just—

And then Zack snaps finally, and with a forceful kick smashes the tube's glass door. The mako floods out in a violent wave and the SOLDIER is forced out, cutting his arms and chest up on the broken glass as he falls to the ground. For a few moments he stays doubled up on the floor, choking on the very air he breathes in—it's been so long since they last let him out, and it hurts so much to move his limbs.

The cuts sting and he feels bile rising in his throat, but he's forced to react when a man who's heard the commotion comes running into the lab; one well placed kick later and the man's laying slumped against the wall with a broken neck. It seems Zack hasn't forgotten all of his training.

Hesitantly he steps forward to achieve what he set out to do. Gently he rests his forehead against the second tube, and lets himself relax; he breathes erratically against the cool glass, and mists it up, further distorting Cloud's image. But as soon as his breathing returns to normal he feels his heart pounding in his chest the moment his eyes meet Cloud's. And for second Zack's sure he sees the faintest glimmer of recognition in Cloud's eyes, but that's all too much to hope for. Even when he takes Cloud's body into his arms there's no response, and as Zack puts an arm around his waist to carry him Cloud doesn't even try to walk for himself.

But Zack refuses to say it's hopeless.

They get out of Nibelheim easily enough, and Zack barely registers the fact that the village is no longer a heap of rubble and ash. Such things are not his concern, however, and all he can focus on is Cloud.

Or, who he thought was Cloud. This boy is… this boy is _empty. _Zack tries to get through to him, he honestly does, but nothing seems to help. The dead, lifeless look in his poisoned eyes; could this really be the Cloud he knew?

Frowning he leans over and squeezes Cloud's hand tightly, trying to rid himself of such thoughts.

"It'll be okay, won't it Cloud?" Zack asks with a painted smile.

There's no response—not that Zack ever expected one—but the driver who's been kind enough to give them a lift calls out to Zack from the front cab.

"Where ya boys headed, anyway?"

"Hmm," Zack looks completive for a moment, but then shrugs.

Catching a glance of him in the mirror the driver simply laughs and says, "well I'm headed to Midgar, so I can drop ya both there."

"Midgar!" Zack says to Cloud. "That'll be great! I know someone there who we can stay with. Although she does live with her mother…"

Clouds looks as enthralled as ever, his gaze fixed permanently on the open sky. Still, Zack can't help but smile.

"Yeah," he continues as he pulls Cloud's tattered clothes off, trying to dress him in the new clothes he managed to grab as they fled the mansion. Cloud's as much help as ever, merely sitting there blankly as Zack struggles to pull his new trousers up.

"We'll work together as mercenaries. Won't that be great Cloud? Just you and me."

When he finally manages to get Cloud's new outfit on he's more than relieved. All the while he struggled to keep his eyes off of Cloud's body, not out of embarrassment, but because of the hundreds of scars that riddle his young body. He feels a lump form in his throat and all those guilty feelings come back to him in an instant.

_What have they done to you Cloud? Please tell me…_

Zack wishes he could do something more, wishes he could get Cloud to recognise him in some way. That's all he _really_ wants, for Cloud to prove to him that he's still really his Cloud, and not some empty vessel filled with mako and pain.

The sun glares as Zack sits next to Cloud and leans close, whispering in his ear "I'm so sorry Cloud. I should have got you out of there before, I…"

And Zack knows that's the real problem here. It was easy—_so_ easy—to get himself and Cloud out when he tried, and had he not waited five whole years then Cloud would not be like he is. Maybe the mako had effected Zack more than those men in white coats thought; perhaps it made him weak and cowardly, unable to protect one important person.

"… we're friends, right?"

Several hours later the melodic hum of the radio leaves Zack's ears as the truck driver drops them off on the outskirts of Midgar. It's a short distance away from the city itself, but done at Zack's request. The man had been pretty insistent about taking them all the way into Midgar, but Zack politely refused, claiming it was safer this way.

And so it was, he and Cloud were left to travel alone by foot again.

As they walk across the desolate waste land Zack felt his burden lighten a little as the monotonous city comes into view. True, it's nothing splendid to look at, but at the same time it represents hope for him—for them. Cloud'll get better there, he just knows it, and they'dll be able to make a good life for themselves. They will, they—

The quiet is suddenly torn apart all around him as the sound of bullets rip past his head, and the thunder of footsteps approaches him with disturbing speed.

_Shinra_.

They hadn't given up on their little playthings it seemed, and the armed men charged at him, guns ablaze.

It isn't very clear what happens to Zack after this; there's a faint memory of him throwing Cloud to the ground and swinging his sword around in an effort to protect him lingering in his mind. Someone screams, and Zack's heart tells him it's Cloud, even thought the noise is more harrowing than what he was forced to listen to in the lab everyday.

But in the end it does no good, and he finds himself pinned to the floor, the bullets ripping through him as his body shakes and his world shatters. There's a laugh and then nothing more as the men walk away.

_Cloud…_ he thinks, even now. _Cloud._

And he isn't sure if it's his dying mind playing tricks on him, but he feels a pair of hands cling desperately to his battered body; then all of a sudden he sees him through his blurry eyes. Zack's vision is fading fast, but Cloud's there leaning over him and he's… he's crying? Trying to move a little—just a little, so he can be nearer Cloud—Zack chokes on his own blood, but somehow it's okay.

_I guess this means we can't be together anymore._

It's okay because Cloud is with him now and not just physically, because the _real_ Cloud is here with him. Using everything he has left he smiles, and he's dully aware that Cloud is screaming his name, but it seems so far off in the distance. The last of his life leaves him, but before the light fades completely he lets his eyes meet Cloud's and accepts the warmth of Cloud's fingers entwined with his, their bodies held together in a bloody embrace.

Five years and one day, but as soon as he sees the life return to Cloud's eyes, Zack knows only the last day they spent together really matters.


End file.
